As a new mom of one child I remember thinking one day I wanted more, but that was not an immediate plan. Then when my son was two I married the man of my dreams and we were a little family and soon expecting a child. That is when I started hearing comments about what expected. Fitting into social norms. My first child is a boy and expecting my second we found out she was a girl. When people would ask ” what are you expecting?” I would tell them a girl. Then a common response was something along the lines of “boy and a girl you can be done!” like the two one boy one girl was the most desirable possibility, and my duty to society or family had been achieved. I would shrug it off usually, but I always remembered it.
When I found out I was expecting again, I got a lot of sympathy and almost panic remarks. Mostly from family, but a lot of strangers too. People would say “we take what God gives us right?” like it was a stroke of bad luck. Or “you are really gonna have your hands full”, or “poor thing”. Then that pregnancy ended in a miscarriage and I think most people close to us breathed a sigh of relief. However I ended up expecting again the next year, we told no one for a long time until people started guessing. Then our third child was met with mixed feelings by most. Grandparents who just thought we were ruining our lives.
Then we were expecting a forth, that news brought looks of horror to the faces of family members, and not one kind word. That pregnancy ended in another miscarriage. However another pregnancy was right on the heels of that. I find my self extremely guarded. We did not want to say a word to family or friends. Why must I feel so secluded and guarded in life with more than two kids? Why does the whole world see us and say “we got our hands full?” Why do women from previous generations treat me as though I am throwing my life away with each child? When did having a larger family become so socially wrong?
My modern mom belief
I never planned one child, they were all gifts from God. We can not plan the gifts we receive. I have children that I raise, educated, love and cherish. They are not a burden. We may look like a circus at time, but a circus is fun. I have great friends who try as they might have not had any children yet, and friends who have 7 and 8 kids. Why would we judge what God has deemed as a Gift? Everyone has their own path, why can’t that be respected?
We personally home-school our family. We spend a lot of time together by choice. I love watching them grow. I love teaching them new things. I love playing working and doing life with my kids. My kids are not my burden but my hand-picked duty by God. He must have seen me to have a quality that would be great for a mom. I think that is amazing. I did not give up my dreams, I live my dreams. I have not trashed my body or thrown away all beauty. Life is what we make of it. And being a mom is not an undesirable thing. Stay at home moms are not settling for a life of misery. Being a mom is a calling, an amazing gift, a sacred duty. I believe in my family, my kids, my calling. My life is beautiful. My kids are amazing. Watching God work his wonder in our lives as we follow his will is an amazing journey, one that I would not trade for the world♡♡♡
I know I echo the sentiment from many other mothers out there. I know the whole “my body, my right”thing is it there too. But hey isn’t it my body my right if I want a large family too? Why can’t we have to no judgement zone apply to mothers of many children also? Just food for thought. ♡♡♡
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Beth is a mother of 5 living on a handful of acres in an old farmhouse in central Kansas. Beth has a background in the military and health and fitness however her passions come from her homestead life. Beth is an enthusiastic homeschooling mom, avid organic gardener, chicken & goat wrangler, who is obsessed with herbs and natural remedies and maintaining an all-around Do-It-Yourself lifestyle. Beth loves to share all she has learned about and sustainable living. While striving for a healthy, natural life, family-centered life.